Counting the years

Today marks 23 years that my dad, Johnie, passed away. It has always been a difficult day. Especially since most of those first anniversaries were spent at school, as I was only 10 when he died. I only learned a few years ago when my own son was born that what took his life was not the disease he fought, Chronic Inflammatory Disammuned Polynoropothy, but a blood clot that traveled from his leg to his heart. He was incredibly weak following a surgery he had a week prior, and to be honest, I think he was just done. He had been sick for over 4 years, fighting this disease that no one really knew much about, because it was extremely rare.

The thing about losing someone is you can remember before you lost them. You remember some of the most important and also some of the random facts about that person, about your life, about what you had. Memories serve as a reminder of the forever questions, "what if this had never happened?", "what would my life look like?", "why did this person have to die?" And truth be told, I have struggled to understand and have wrestled with those thoughts for most of my life. Because most assuredly, my childhood would have been different. My life would not be the same. But, because I am a Christian, and by God's grace so is my family, God has shown me how loss can be turned into a beautiful redemption story. Because He is the God of new beginnings, of using humans to tell a story of his faithfulness, of His incredible and all-encompassing love, I believe he really has redeemed us from the pit of sorrow we faced that early morning in 1995. All in our own uniquely needed ways.

My mom was given a second chance at love. Not that that would have been her first choice, but it is absolutely the way God works- giving us exactly what we need. And she needed love. I needed a father figure. Cue Rex Blake. Circa 2000? My oldest sister had a 2 year old daughter, Mackenzie, who had a new friend, Jonathan. His parents, Matt & Tiffni invited Mackenzie to Jonathan's birthday party and as luck would have it, neither Mary nor Michael (her parents) could take her, so my mom did. And there was an immediate, undeniable connection that happened that day. Fast forward a few months and my sister, brother-in-law and now step-brother, and sister-in-law set up my mom and Matt's dad. Although the initial date wasn't anything all that exciting, we all were thrilled they were getting out of the house. Rex's wife of over 35 years had passed away from breast cancer a few years before, and he was in need of companionship just as much as my mom. They had an immediate common ground: loss. Though neither really thought this date would lead to anything, what they knew was they had a new friend. A new friend who understood the great pain they both suffered. Well, as you can guess their friendship turned into a deep and undeniable love. They were encouraged and affirmed by family, friends, even both living in-laws. So, on my mom's 50th birthday, Rex proposed to my mom in front of  a crowd of family and friends celebrating at her party. He and I had secretly met a few weeks prior to pick out a ring, which was probably the most adorable thing to witness. They married April 30, 2005 and quickly our families blended into one big, loving, slightly chaotic family. They celebrate 13 years this coming April and in those years, we have been witness to a faithful and loving marriage, as well as all of us kids getting married, moving, changing jobs, having babies, sending kids to college, losing jobs, etc. The constant and never-failing love of God has truly been our heartbeat, always there even when we don't think about it. We have all come to adore and appreciate this family, with its ups and downs, its better seasons and more difficult ones. But our heritage is intertwined, our legacy forever different. And though I know not one of us would have ever asked to go through the years of pain from losing both my dad and Marian, Rex's wife, we have reaped years of unbelievable blessings. I think in a lot of ways loss has taught me to be thankful for every single year, every single visit, every phone call, every time my kids get to sit on their grandparents laps to read, or play. I am incredibly grateful. This God who calls us to trust him, even in our worst pain, he really does know what He is doing. He is faithful. He is good.

Summer Wrap-Up

Can it possibly be fall already?! Nah!! Atleast 4-5 more weeks to sweat out the heat and pay for the AMAZING month of weather in July! We barely ever got out of the 90's and swimming was more like when you jump in for the first time in May. We all knew we would pay for it somehow...and we are. Now. It's approximately 95 and 7,000% humidity outside. But I didn't go to school for meteorology, so....those numbers may be slightly off.

Either way, Summer is all but gone. My kids have made it back to school and the fall semester is filling up so quickly!! We are already talking about plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. WHA?!

Here are a few pictures (in no particular order) to celebrate our past months of summer/survival for stay at home moms ;) What an amazing summer it was!!!

It all starts with honesty.

Today as I was drying my hair, my mind was all over the place with the "to-do's" of the day, how much time do I actually have to finish drying my hair, did I feed the dog yet... etc. But what I was wrestling with was a much deeper question. One I have been blocking out for a few weeks now.

Why am I so stuck in my faith right now?

This has been an awakening year for me, for a variety of reasons but mostly because the Lord has been so faithful to me and the spirit has guided me over and over through the simplest and most complex moments. So why am I not there now? What is missing?

Ultimately the answer was to go back to what a lesson I learned in high school from my youth pastor. There are things that we know about God. There are things that we know- that we know, because he has used them to teach us over and over again about Him... So, the thing that I know that I know  is God is always faithful.

I just need to be honest with Him. He already knows where my heart is- in denial in this case- If I can just be honest with Him. That is step one.

I do know a lot about learning the hard way of how honesty plays into healthy spiritual living. I'll never forget getting caught by my teacher in 1st grade stealing. I had asked to go inside from recess to use the bathroom, and I did- but I also made a quick stop behind her desk to find her stash of ticky tack, you remember the blue sticky stuff teachers used to put up almost everything on the walls back then? I was obsessed with it! I played school religiously at home and I was desperate to get my hands on the stuff. So I grabbed a glob of it and rather than sticking it into my desk for later, I had the bright idea to stick it in my lovely pink tights I was wearing. Later during circle time, the glob had moved from its original hiding place on my hip and was now sticking out of my tights around my knees. When my teacher asked me about the giant blue glob, I knew I was caught but I decided to lie about where I got it. Of course she saw right through my first grade attempt of theft- and thank God she allowed me to just return it and never tell my mom. In fact she still doesn't know. You see, I've been learning practically all my life the value of telling the truth, whether it be to my teacher or God.

When I look back, I can see the thought pattern that has become a cycle in my life... If I am honest with God about where my heart is, he will never fail to meet me where I am. He then reveals to me how He has in fact been with me all along, and though circumstances have not been in my favor, He is. He is on my side. His faithfulness once again is in place, and there I am back into spirit-lead relationship with Him. The opposite is true as well. When I continue to pursue the millions of idols or as Charles Spurgeon calls them, "lovers less wild than Jesus", I choose to listen to the created instead of the creator.

It's been said that "honesty is the highest form of intimacy." Doesn't this apply to our spiritual lives all the more? If there is one person with whom we should be completely intimate, shouldn't it be the one who knit us together? So many things get in His way. But, telling God the truth despite the fact that he already knows it, breathes life into the soul. Scripture says it this way:

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8: 32 (PP)

Honesty is like that. Is there anything more hopeful than knowing that God is able to rescue us from the depths of where we are in the moment we are needing rescued? The confession of our denial of how we messed up, our desperation for Him, our frustration with Him can make that possible.

Honesty. It is refreshing in a world of complex personalities and people pleasing tendencies, non-confrontational living. Honesty brings us into reality, a total shift of mindset.

Admitting where you are is a great first step. Requiring of ourselves a daily spiritual check is a good way to know where our allegiance lies. Eventually we all come to the cross roads of honesty with God versus denial. Next time, let it be honesty..

Halloween 2013

We had a very special Halloween this year! First of all, I was neither pregnant nor toting a newborn around. So there's that as a change. But mostly special because we had my parents in visiting for the week. This was altogether new territory because 1. We have never had family visiting for Halloween and 2. I never trick-or-treated as a child. For Real. We handed out candy, sometimes we even dressed up and went to the church carnivals. But I have never trick-or-treated, until now. And it is so fun! Especially when you have these cuties in tow...

Seriously. So, So fun!

Plus, we have enough candy to handily make it through to Valentine's Day. 

Until next Halloween...trick-or-treeeat!!!

Andrea

notable notes

I have recently realized I write my best blog posts UNDER PRESSHA. As I am now sitting on my couch, having recounted what I wanted to write while doing the dishes, because I am indeed living the posh life...my daughter sits in her highchair throwing the goldfish I just gave her and looking at me longingly with one hand waving, "aww don!!!" and my son is trying to hand me his newest prized possession, a plastic motorcycle from the dentist's treasure box.

See what I mean. Lots of pressure.

So, let's get right to it.

Notable this week...
1. Olivia is now into EVERYTHING. She has skipped the six months I thought I had before the stage of "my house looks like a warzone 100 percent of the time because my daughter only pulls things off shelves and out of cabinets, etc. but does not possess the ability to put them back."
This currently is the most dominating realization of the week and/or month. Oh, and she also likes to eat dirt. awesome.

2. We went to see Enough Said, the movie starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and James Gandolfini. We loved it. It was excellent, highly recommend it.

3. Charlie has amazingly decided to save his money from the chores he did this week and not go to Target's one dollar aisle of junk....err...amazingness. Honestly, it sucks me in, all too often with it's luring seasonal bargains, but alas, our prayers have been answered (until next week) and he isn't going to blow his $1.60 (10 cents per chore) on yet ANOTHER car/action figure/made in China piece of high quality plastic.

4. We are now the proud owners of 24 pieces of child-proofing gear. We never bought it before now. Today in fact. Charlie was a quick learner, we just shut all the doors, told him no...he was over it. Not so much with little miss O. She's particularly fond of the toilet. I'll leave it at that. So, BuyBuy baby here I come.

5. I was serious about that movie.
5.1 The Wood Brother's new album (Muse) came out Tuesday. To say it's literally (or litrilly according to Chris Traeger) the best album that came out Tuesday is a complete understatement. Spotify it, buy it, love it.

Until my next cohesive train of thought comes..

Andrea

Smattering.

I would love to be the disciplined person who weekly sits down and recalls the funny moments/stories, pictures of the past weeks.

Um.

I will pray on that.

I am not there.

I am lucky to take a shower on a daily basis.Without being interrupted.

SO....here's what happened the last few weeks, and I'll get back to you on the disciplined plan.

I especially like the ones with things on Olivia's head. That's her favorite.